you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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