i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
