Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
