I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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