Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to walk on stilts...naked
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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