I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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