Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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