So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
