Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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