I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
