You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
