I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
