Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he's gonorrhea incarnate
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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