he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
