guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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