Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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