I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
