Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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