Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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