I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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