WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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