we have pet lesbian snakes
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well you can't waste a boner
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk is a universal language darling
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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