The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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