i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
