I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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