Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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