You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
