I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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