i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
