he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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