We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
