Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
