Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
