I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How's work?
Spinning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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