Will you blow on my dice?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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