I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
