okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize