there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
