dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
