Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize