i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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