I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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