told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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