Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Congratulations! We have a period
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