So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
