Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
