Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
