Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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