sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
