fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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