Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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