Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
