that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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