I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
