he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
