mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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