My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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