I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
