on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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