Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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