Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
May the power of my ass compel you!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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