You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
