so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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