Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're too hungover to prance.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
