Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
