1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
