There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
