I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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