i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
