Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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