maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
PANTIES FOUND
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize