We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
