So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
someone owes me an orgasm
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
