i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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