So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Randomize
